I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize