just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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