Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
