her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
