on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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