don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Why did my mother make you get naked?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
