great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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