so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Randomize
