last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
