i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
