You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
