I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
