make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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