you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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