i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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