just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I feel like abortions should bother me more
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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