they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
