check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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