and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Randomize
