I saw his package. It spoke to me.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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