I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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