you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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