we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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