I want to make a zoo with you.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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