I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
