Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
