Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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