Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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