update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
