The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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