So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
That's how pantless uber rides happen
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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