I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
