What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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