The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
