boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
