angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
