I hate your face
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
