So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
