But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
