just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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