Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
