Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
