I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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