Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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