I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
