It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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