Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Randomize
