You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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