I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
