____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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