I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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