dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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