Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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