you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
