Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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