Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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