you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
My dick has a subreddit
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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