running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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