I can't watch pbs sober anymore
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
