Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
