is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
PS: I just woke up from my shower
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
