Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
