can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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