i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
