she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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