i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
