Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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