Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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