When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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