so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
My bed smells like the plague
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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